How To Be Alone

Shallow numbness.  Aching sorrow.  Bone deep.  Starving.  Breathe it in.  Be it.  Allow yourself to be swallowed whole.  Allow yourself time to grieve.  Be you; be the ugliest you.  Be sorry and angry and empty.  Be awake.  Stay awake all night and don’t sleep until night falls again.  Swim in waters so deep you nearly drown.  Run so far you nearly get lost.  Scream so loud you nearly drown out all of the noise.  But there is no noise.  No one is there, no one can hear you.  Swallow.  Be empty.  Be so empty you feel naked.  Stand in a public square naked; no one can see you, no one is there.  Stand quietly.  Be so quiet you want to scream to fill the silence, but don’t.  Be so quiet you feel numb.  Numbness that aches you, aching you to feel something, anything.  Aching you to your bone.  Sit in it.  Wallow in it.  Become it.  Let it break you.

Now climb.  Keep climbing.  Climbing up, through the dark hole.  It seems endless but suddenly there it is, the end, before you know it and after forever has passed.

Open the roof.  There’s the light.  It was always there.  There are your friends, they were always there.  And there’s you, where you left yourself.  You were always there.  You were never alone.
Sunset view in tulum mexico

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