Searching for Mental Clarity

Bunkered down in Tulum in a house in the center of town, I am no longer a traveler in the sense of the word that describes my fellow American/European comrades jumping from hostel to hostel, town to town.  I am living slowly, here right now, staying put for a bit.  The feeling is different.  Not thinking where I will be running off to next, I am unpacking my bags and laying my things out, making my space temporarily my own.  Not thinking of an end because ends don’t factor into this kind of time frame.  I am set currently into a routine: every morning rising and making a fruit and veg smoothie along with my coffee (with soy milk please).  Sitting in the backyard as the wind moves peacefully and the sun slowly rises to it’s highest, hottest point.  Working in the morning and cooking a filling lunch.  Biking to the beach in the early afternoon and spending the rest of the day basking in the sun before coming home and making dinner.  Early to bed.

Coming back and staying so long in one place, one country, was not in my “plan.”  I had expected to move more rapidly, see everything I could, roaming without pause.  But as I have discussed this was the right move to make, coming back to Tulum for a while, though it has not diminished my financial worries, rather it has exacerbated them.  But staying in one place is good as it offers up time to decide next moves and build new opportunities.

I called this “searching for mental clarity” because I have always felt that this is what I was doing, searching for an open door to walk through, not feeling like I could open the door myself.  I am no longer doing that now.  There is no door, there is no answer, there just is.  Maybe I walked through it already, maybe it never existed, but I am no longer searching for that door.

A week and a half has passed and I am back on the beach campground, Camping Chavez, where my Tulum adventure started, planning to stay for the next month.  I’m moving with the wind.  It lead me here and here I’ll stay for a while.  Days spent with my feet never leaving the sand and dips in the ocean whenever I wish.  My skin is a darker brown and my hair highlighted.  Cooking mounds of veggies, rice, curries, lots of coffee, lots of tea.  Mornings start with coffee, fresh squeezed orange juice, a bowl of chia and fruit, watching the sun rise.  Yoga, swimming, tanning, heading into town for more groceries.  Evenings end with heading to the bar next door for a beer, relaxing with a movie in my tent, chatting with friends in the camp kitchen.  Every day moving slowly.   Not waiting, living.

Leave a Reply